Okay. NEW RULE...

I, Feisty Media Critic,

do hereby and forthwith

issue the following proclamation:

Nothing, I repeat, NO-THING, be it

• natural
• supernatural,

or even

super-dupernatural,

shall convince me to ever experience another audiovisual pile of poo described as:

"A group of [college, high school, asthmatic, et al] kids...

go into the woods..."

Artistic Licenses Revoked

"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Film Retreats Back Into Its Shell"

"Oh NO!  Not everyone in the universe will greet my creation with gooey admiration approaching rabid fangirl levels!  SCRAP IT!!!"

This is precisely why the turn of events involving Mass Effect 3 sets a terrible precedent.  (For those who don't follow gaming, the creators of this title relented after public outcry that the ending of said game wasn't to their liking.  They will release additional material to appease those who created and perpetuated the uproar.)

Here's a synopsis of a li'l story by some old dude named Aesop:

Son rides donkey, father walks.
People get angry; tell son he is lazy and should let his father ride.
Father rides, son walks.
People get angry; tell father he shouldn't make his son walk.
Father and son ride.
People get angry; tell father and son they are overburdening donkey.
Father and son tie donkey's legs to pole and carry it - much to the amusement of onlookers.
Donkey manages to free one leg from pole, kicks son who drops pole, donkey falls off bridge, still bound by three legs, and drowns in water below.

“That will teach you,” said an old man who had followed them:

“PLEASE ALL, AND YOU WILL PLEASE NONE.”

House

Okay.  For all you youngsters and forgetful types out there, from someone my age, "HOUSE" was a movie.

"House M.D." is not the same animal.

I haven't, and do not plan on watching House M.D.

I have a reason.

Hugh Laurie is one of the most broadly talented and hysterically funny men on the face of the earth.

For those of you only familiar with his work on House M.D., here are some examples that might blow your mind:

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

A Bit of Fry & Laurie

"Pneumatic Drill"

 

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

"Hey Jude"

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Blackadder Goes Forth

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Blackadder The Third

I'm just saying...

We really need to rethink this whole "A for Effort" thing...

...because either it means:

"Wow.  You REALLY stink at this! But hey, at least you're nice."

or,

it is the first sentence in a very poorly-written alphabet book.

Then And Now

Portal and Portal 2

Portal and Portal 2 are computer games. Very silly, lots of fun, mentally stimulating.

And, yes, there are spoilers ahead.

This clip from YouTube is the final cut scene (a cut scene is a geek term for short movie that plays automatically once a player reaches a certain point in a game) and the closing credits from Portal. Even without knowledge of the game itself, you'll be able to pick up the humor in it.

* * * * * * * * * * * *
The portal turret is this sweet little chap. ROFL LMAO Again, you see the humor. This next clip from Portal 2 features turrets in action - not only the standard functioning turrets, but also some defective ones that cycle through a number of wise-cracking and funny comments.


* * * * * * * * * * * *
The closing credits of Portal 2. Same composer. Also funny.

* * * * * * * * * * * *
Finally, I had to include the ending of Portal 2 which features an enormous choir of turrets. It's... well, it's gorgeous.

Should've Seen These Long Ago

Sunset Boulevard - ★★★★  Anyone determinedly seeking fame after viewing this film is nuttier than Norma Desmond.

X-Men: First Class - ★★★★★  I went in with absolutely no expectations.  And I had a Marvel-ous time.  Hindsight being 20/20, I would infinitely prefer to see this film repeatedly than ever have seen The Avengers.  (Note:  This is the first of the X-Men films I've seen to date.  Being that the film's premise is the very beginnings of the X-Men, I wanted to start with this installment.  Musings on the others in the franchise to follow.)

[ROLL CREDITS]